Working with teenagers has added a lot of “chat” talk to my vernacular but TBH (To Be Honest) sees to be the main theme with my 7th and 8th grade girls group. Trust me, when they TBH…they tell it just like they see it. It is amazing, inspiring and sometimes a little overwhelming.
My Personal TBH
Today, I did something I am certain every Christian has done. I had a moment where instead of trusting God, I was bargaining with him. Yes, I do know better. The human gets her say more frequently than I like to admit and this is one of those cases.
It was nothing insane or Faust like. (Considering Faust was bargaining with the devil, that was obviously not what I was doing.) My bargaining went more like this, “God, I know we can get through this, but please not this moment. Please not yet, I’m not ready.” After the initial shock wore off it was, “God, I don’t have the money. Everything is going well right now, I don’t want to lose this.” Yeah, it was that kind of desperate bargaining I found myself in. (Not quite to whiny phase, but dang I was close.)
I should probably fill you in. Today was a hat trick of obstacles. First, I ended up at the Urgent Care and I have bronchitis. Then I had a phone interview (that I coughed all the way through) for a potential position that would allow me to work from home. Last, my 19 year old son calls to tell me he hates to admit defeat, but he thinks he needs to come home. Let’s face it, on the surface the only “bad” thing here is I have bronchitis. That won’t last long because God has healed me and I am following doctors orders.
The phone interview seemed to go well. I have been put through to the next phase. Testing. Oh I just love testing. (not really.) That will be followed by additional testing and interviews but all of that is fine. It just represents a potential major change in my life. (It also represents potentially no more driving in snow storms to look at cars.)
The big issue is my son returning home. I love him. It is by far in his best interest to return to West Virginia and get his life on track. My son is a challenge. He has Asperger’s syndrome. It is mild and he is high functioning, but he was diagnosed late in life, age 14. Did you know that it is almost impossible to get insurance to cover assistance for a late diagnosed person with Asperger’s. Evidentially, Autistic Spectrum disorders are all accurately diagnosed by the age of 5. (That was sarcasm, just in case you did not pick up on my tone.)
Now, he is an adult. Trust me, we have missed the mark in SO many areas in helping him over the years. We, my husband and I, are both living under God’s grace and mercy now. I know the approach and attitude will be different, but there is a fear of everything going way out of balance again. Please do not misunderstand, I LOVE my son. I have missed him since he left to go to North Carolina. I have worried and prayed over him daily. Now, we have another chance to try to help him.
He is capable of much, but he needs strong guidance. He needs someone who will look at him and tell him his tall tales are a load of crap. He needs someone patient enough to correct his behavior and be loving about it. Does anyone know a boss that fits those descriptions? Yep, he is 19 and needs a job when he comes home. He needs a job that comes with a boss led by God.
So…To. Be. Honest.
I need everyone who is reading this blog to pray. Pray for my son to know God. A relationship with God is where he needs to begin, then everything else will fade away because he will be healed. His name is Vincent. Pray for my family. We have a grove, a routine that has worked well for a while. A great deal of healing has occurred in my home over the last year or so. Pray we hold on to our testimony. Pray we leave all these anxieties at the feet of Jesus where they belong. Pray for our finances. I am not saying that from a position of greed. I look at our bills periodically and cannot tell you how we make it sometimes. (Ok I can tell you, God is faithful as we are faithful.) I know my son’s arrival means some immediate financial strains and the needs to meet some needs for him such as clothing and probably new glasses. Pray that my actions speak louder than my words. Pray that my son sees more of Jesus in me than he sees of the mother I was before.
I want to see my family whole and healed. Not just my husband and sons, but my whole family. I am thankful that my son is returning home. I am grateful that I have a wonderful, supportive church family to help us in this transition. May God guide and direct my steps. I trust God. I love God. I have to remind myself that is where everything starts.
Thanks for listening. Thank you for your prayers.