In The Hallway
We find ourselves in a multitude of places throughout life. As Christians we typically narrow things down to valleys and mountains. Well, this Christian girl is in a hallway.
Imagine a long hallway with multiple doors. All the doors are closed. You might have experienced this in school. Not knowing for certain which door led to your class. Sometimes when I travel, the hotel hallway gives me this feeling…especially if the numbers are on the wall versus the door itself. Even knowing where you are going in the hallway, you have trepidation about opening the door because “what-if” it happens to be the wrong door. (This is my greatest fear with staying in hotels.) Hallways can be an overwhelming position of transition.
We do not live in hallways. When we enter a hallway, we are on our way somewhere. Whether it is a hotel room, bathroom or classroom…we are heading to a destination. I know I am heading somewhere. I have gone through my “Jonah moment”. I ran from God, God snatched me up and I am back on track. I serve in my church. I study my bible, my family has devotions and I talk to God throughout my day.
I am not content with that status. Do not misunderstand that statement. I know I am being pulled more and more toward ministry tasks. At the same time, I evaluate my time and obligations and honestly…I do not know where I can do more. In fact, I am realizing I have to scale back. Until God speaks and opens a door elsewhere, I have to continue to work my regular job. I can’t sit still and act like a year from now I won’t be working there. I need to approach my job as if I will retire from there. That means additional training and obligations that will require more of my time than just 8-4:30 PM.
I then look at the responsibilities I have at church. I feel like I am not doing my absolute best in each of those areas. I often feel hurried or worse exhausted, that is not my most effective. Moreover, after attending a connect group a few weeks ago, I realized something crucial. I need to make more time to have my soul fed.
I have been praying, “God, order my steps. Guide me in your will. Give me boldness and a heart after yours.” What I realized during that connect group meeting…I needed more time being fed. I also need to shut-up and listen. I am not pouring from an empty vessel, but I can’t give 100% to my family, my job, the youth, my connect group, Growth Track, and the blog. (My apologies, the blog has certainly taken the brunt of being shuttled to the back burner.) Our youth pastor, Jon, started a series entitled “God has a Voice” last week. This message series and the book “The Best Yes” are speaking heavily to me. I have to prioritize. I have to protect my “God-time” and my “me time”.
Prioritizing means using the word, NO. It means that “No Phone Thursday” spreads to other days or set times of my week. It means Facebook is no longer an app on my phone. (Such a time waster for me.) It means having the space and quiet in my day that I can actually hear from God. I never want to be content or satisfied in my faith. I always want to strive for more. A deeper understanding of the Word, greater confidence in my knowledge of the Word and a closer walk with my God. Those elements are going to enable me to give more to others and that is my heart’s desire.
Back to that hallway I am in right now. Some of those doors have been closed and locked, never to open again. The doors to condemnation and rehashing mistakes of the past…those are all bolted tight. There will be doors that unlock that are “not my room” and God will steer me away. Sometimes more than one door will open, the choices will be vast…God will steer me to the best door to enter. Until then…I’ll be out here in the hallway, praising God and trusting in His wisdom.